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First, a caveat: 

The right amount to give is what you can spend today without compromising your own needs.  The bottom line:  Under no circumstances should you incur debt you can't immediately pay off in order to give a gift.  That means no credit card balances rolling into January.  I understand the tug of holiday tradition--you always get every niece and nephew a Hanukkah gift.  But in this rough economy, you may need to rethink your approach.

Thus spake Suze Orman. 

For the last few years, the HH and I were in such straitened circumstances PGT (putting Grey through) that we instituted a no-gift-exchange policy with our friends and family.  It was embarrassing--and it ran against our grain--but it was necessary.  The holidays felt small and pinched, and we felt Scroogey. 

This year, Grey's a graduate, and we're grateful and relieved to say that our belts are a little looser.  We determined a budget (post-groceries) and decided to invest it at three local places with a global vision:

Ten Thousand Villages, a fair-trade nonprofit that features handmade gifts from India, Haiti, Ecuador, and around the world--all profits go back to the individual craftspeople

Indigo Bridge Books, an independent bookstore/coffeeshop that specializes in social-justice issues

Licorice International, which is carrying not just licorice but caramels, chocolates, and more for the holidays--their shiny wrappers are going to glitz up our packages.
 

It was tons of fun supporting publishing, too--a hurting industry--by giving favorite works of literature to our beloved ones:  Franny & Zooey and Native Guard to a new sister-in-law, The Professor's House to my bio-mom's husband, The Secret Garden to a niece, Holes and Jackie Woodson's terrific Locomotion to a nephew . . .  and we found the cutest, warmest little hat for our nephew Indigo and a scarf for my sister Lisa, both from Tiny Hands International.  (Don't worry; none of my family reads this blog.  I'm assuming my secrets are safe with you.)  Handmade neem soap from India, vegan dark chocolate from Honduras and Ecuador, delicious Six Bean Soup Mix from the Women's Bean Project in Denver . . .

Okay, so they're not iPods or cashmere sweaters or gift cards to Williams-Sonoma.  But it sure was fun.   And I'd rather encourage someone to curl up with hot soup or a great book than blast our budget buying electronica and battery-operated toys that are only destined for the landfill anyway.  And we didn't have to battle any crazy crowds at Target or Best Buy or the mall.  We walked to all three shops and lugged our choices home with human-muscle power (very green). 

One year, before Grey was in college and before the recession, we gave our relatives Heifer International "gifts," thinking they'd be thrilled to step off the cycle of overconsumption and give something to someone else.  Alas!  They were all sort of like, "Um, thanks so much," in this flat, pained way.  Oops.  A little overzealous with imposing your ethics, young Joy?

I'm hoping that this year will be a happy compromise--that each person will feel thought of, each person cherished.  And we can give ourselves the pleasure of helping Heifer, if that's our choice.  (Maybe your family's already ready for that!)

How are you shopping your values this season?  How do you balance your ethics, your generosity, and your loved ones' desires?  I would love to hear your story.  If you don't feel like posting publicly, send me an email, because I'd really like to know.